I hate my voice

I suppose I should have posted this earlier, closer to the time I was reminded of it, but I don't think having some distance from it is necessarily a bad thing. What reminded me of my feelings towards the sound of my voice was finally getting around to recording an answer machine message for our home phone, as we recently realised there are times when it would be worth using.

I'm aware that any recording will be distorted and not a true representation of someone's voice, especially when it was recorded by something as poor quality as an answer machine. I'm aware that most people hate the sound of their voice when it's played back to them. However, it's not just the sound of the voice that I hate. It's everything about it. It's not even that I hate it so much as I just can't identify it with myself. There's nothing in that recording of that message that is me. When I hear it, I might as well be listening to someone else saying those words. I can't find anything in the tone, pitch, intonation, inflection or pronunciation that I can identify with myself, and that really really freaks me out.

Knowing that is what I sound like to other people, that other persons voice is what people hear when I speak, just makes me never want to utter a word again. I suspect I'm just making a huge deal over nothing, but I can't deny that I'm quite sensitive about it. I suppose it's inevitable having grown up with a slight lisp (that may have been more noticeable when I was younger), and a tendency to mumble that I would be acutely aware of it. I'll never be able to stop talking I just would rather I had a better option than to just forget about the way I sound, until I either randomly remember it, or something makes me have to listen to it again.

Now to post something else so this isn't the first thing I see when I log on to my LJ.

D&D - Preplayers

I'm looking forward to it, now I just need to make sure I'm ready. It's interesting but in many way my D&D world is a utopia, no violence, endlessly fertile land. I suppose it is, I just don't see it that way because I know why the world is what it is, and what it will become. Until I drop players in it and they proceed to break things of course.

Sorry ailsa_chan for burning down one of your towns.

Anyway I'll aim to update with the ongoing events and record moments of humour here too.

Work

That last one wasn't long enough so I'd thought I'd post about work.

I'm enjoying it, which is good, though it was dragging a bit towards the end of last week. Four and half days of familiarisation (reading: documents on the project and tools) is a bit much, though thankfully it was broken up with having to install stuff. Now that I'm actually coding, well I have been since Friday afternoon, I'm enjoying it a lot more.

Also free fruit juice is great. Especially considering the quantities I drink. I went through two and a bit litres of it today, and I'd had two cups of tea, and a coffee during the day as well.