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[personal profile] same_difference
Right today is the day after the all important meeting to do with the project I've been doing vague preparatory work on. I was supposed to be starting things properly today. So what do I find? My supervisor is not around. His coat is definitely on the back of his chair, but that chair has stayed decidedly empty all morning. I still have things to get on with but not the big kick off I expected. Also my code is borked for reasons that completely lose me. It’s a spreadsheet type of thing. The worst problem being that the data structure contains the data correctly, the text value for the entry widgets matches and is in the correct position, what actually appears on screen doesn't match. It makes no sense.

Anyway moving on. A couple of nights ago I had a long talk about faith and things with my Dad, very similar in style to the one I had with my sister over Christmas (but forgot to mention here). Personally I believe in God, I've been raised a christian, whether or not I still count as one I'm not sure. I don't and will not associate myself with any of the christian denominations. I can't join up to any of their takes on christianity knowing I don't fully agree with them and accept the beliefs I'm supposed to. Its great what a (compulsory) GCSE in Religious Education does for ones take on religion.

For me there’s a very big distinction between faith and religion. Faith is personal, and as long as you get what you need from it and it causes no harm to anyone else I don't care what you believe. It’s your faith and not my place to decide. As far as I'm concerned proper atheism is a faith. The absolute belief without supporting evidence that there’s nothing else in this universe apart from what you can see and feel, that when you die - that’s it, is an act of faith. Religions, as far as I'm concerned, are a bad thing. I can understand why they exist, why the concept came about and developed, but the bad they do far, far out ways the good. I can appreciate that a lot of religious leaders, etc, are very intelligent, very well read, very wise to put it simply, but I just don't agree with the idea that some else you should tell you how to believe and what to believe. That’s the short version of my view. If you want to talk about it I'd gladly discuss it with you, but generally it’s a topic I stay out of as most people have very strong and very inflexible views on it.

What was discussed with my Dad was the point behind religions, what they do and eventually, after I stated the above opinion though in a little more detail, we moved on to the concept of atheism. He can't understand it, and I'd love to hear a debate between him and someone who claimed he was an atheist. My Dad is not even vaguely an extreme christian, you would get a perfectly reasonable and intelligent debate about it, and I know he believes that his argument is such that at the very least you would go away thinking about it, and maybe he's right. I really enjoyed talking about, its one of those subjects that its nice to have a reasoned discussion about as its very rare it doesn't become an argument between two people with rigid and inflexible view points. Not to miss represent his argument I'll give the simplest summary:

'If atheists are correct and we are nothing more than a blob of chemicals that eventually ends and is gone forever, why do anything?'

I look forward to the comments.

Lastly I’m just saying this more so that I’ve written it down than anything else. I’m in love with P, I know it, I’ve stated it openly, it’s a certainty that feels engraved on my soul. Now one of the key things about me is that I work best with someone to bounce off. I’m at my most creative, and understand things best when I have somebody to just talk at about it. This is one of the main reasons that I’m so lucky to have P that I can talk to her about anything. This is the first time, either of us has been in love, and we’re still learning about what that means. Because I can talk to her about anything, I can mention any doubts or fears and by doing so I’m able to understand exactly what I’m thinking and feeling, why I’m thinking these things and what it is they actually mean. By talking it through with her not only do I understand, but she realises and understands her feelings and thoughts as well. We have had a few of these conversations and each time it seems to bring us closer together. For all the certainty about what we feel these this tiny bit of us that has to keep ‘checking’ and by talking it through we learning why and what it is part of us feels it need to check. I’m not sure if this is normal but I think it’s the best way. With all these new and strong feeling there’s a lot of confusion and even fear at times, and because we both terrified of losing each other, ever slight thing gets flagged up to be checked, packaged in a worry that we might be wrong about out feelings. Then by simply talking about we can see what it was that caused the worry, understand what happened and understand our feelings for each other so much more. I love her, and I’m learning what that means and it’s better than anything I could have imagined.

Date: 2004-01-22 08:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ruthste.livejournal.com
I had to comment on the 'allow her out of range of comforting for an extended duration' part of [livejournal.com profile] kipperfish's post. If you get to a point in any relationship were you believe that you have a right to allow or not allow your partner to do anything then things are going very badly indeed. You can't say that that was a mistake as you could not have changed things. By necessity of my course I am having to spend seven months in France. [livejournal.com profile] fourmyle had no choice whether to 'allow' me to do this or not. I make my own decisions. The only way that we could have avoided being separated for this length of time would have been if he had come to live here to. If he had we would have had to find somewhere to live as he wouldn't have been allowed in the school's accomodation. Then he would have had to find a job in a country whose language he barely speaks. So, we have to be apart. But our relationship is in no danger. If a relationship is ended due to distance then there must have been something wrong with it in the first place (no offence meant to anyone there).

Date: 2004-01-22 08:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] almosthonest.livejournal.com
I can agree with your point on "allowing" never being part of a relationship, though (if I may speak on another's part) this is also more bad expression on kipperfish's side. I'd wager that the sentence "wasn't able to comfort her for an extended time" is a more accurate summation of the situation and why it was a problem.

Date: 2004-01-22 08:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kipperfish.livejournal.com
:-) I love my ability to not use the correct words every now and again. There was no actual physical "allowing" anywhere in reality. I meant more of what [livejournal.com profile] almosthonest wrote, but I guess I expressed it very badly. I think I used the word "allowed" more in a derogatory fashion towards myself for not e-mailing her more, not writing to her more, not visiting her more, not phoning her more, basically, not being their for her more. I allowed myself to let those things slip, which I probably shouldn't have done, and that would probably constitute a mistake.

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