Uncertain uncertainty

So this work in Basingstoke. Since last time:

On Thursday, they were supposed to confirm.
On Friday, Monday had become Wednesday. To be confirmed this week.
On Tuesday, Wednesday had become Thursday, still awaiting confirmation.
Today all I have is "It's unlikely anyone will start this week."

I think it's as follows (in a treatment suitable for the seriousness of the situation):

Customer: We has product, we has monopoly, we has sleepy times now.
US Company: We has better product, we can has UK market?
Customer: Oh noes, we has only one developer who canz develop, we need grow business, we need money!
Venture Capitalist: We has money, yoo can has money, we can has investment.
Customer: We has money, we need experience.
My Employer: We has teh experience, we would liek money.
Customer: We can has six staff?
My Employer: Here are six staff , yoo liek?
Customer: We like three, we can has six more, we haz money?
My Employer: £££... here are six staff, you sign contract?
Customer: Can they start 14th?
My Employer: Yup, sign?
Customer: Can has this much money?
Venture Capitalist: No.
Customer: We no sign, do not want 9 staff, we hire Project Manager, we not need yours, can has 7 staff?
My Employer: OK, here 7 staff, sign?
Customer: Can they start 21st, we haz money?
My Employer: Yup, sign?
Customer: Can has this much money?
Venture Capitalist: No.
Customer: Can they start 23rd, we haz money (hopefuwwy)?
My Employer: Yup, sign?
Customer: Can has this much money, plz?
Venture Capitalist: No.
Customer: Can they start 24th, we will haz money soon?
My Employer: Yup, sign?
Customer: Can has this much money, prittee plz?
Venture Capitalist: No.
Customer: ... how much money can we have?
Venture Capitalist: This much. *gestures*
Customer: ok
My Employer: Sign?
Customer: We no has enough money.
My Employer: *face palm* okays... how much money yoo has?
Customer: We has this much *gestures*
My Employer: We go work out what you can has...

Which is roughly where things are now.

Still gives me more time to get over the sore throat.