Linte's Debut

Well it was a fun larp, if not the initial outing to the character I expected. The fast, active, headstrong air mage, spent 5 hours joined at the back (approximately) to a human earth mage. It amazes me how good we got at the end working together, still I think next time will be a better trial for the character.

Ah yes and excellent use of pain to force the party to work together.

Next week I play Haloween Larp number two. Still I'm sure Cumberland will be fine.

Analysis

Wow third post of the day, still it's been a busy day.

Anyway I am and have (inevitably) been thinking about things over these last two weeks. While a lot of it has been adjusting to the change in my life, I have also been analysing my life and trying to rework out future plans. The thing is there are two areas of uncertainty for me at the moment.

My immediate plans are:
Get my room sorted.
Get my stuff unpacked.
Organise all the remaining things that need to be done having moved out from the flat.
Get a new car.
Work out how I want to spend my time.
Keep myself busy.

Longer term plans:
Keep working well at my job.
Try and buy myself a home next year.
Meet someone and have a fully committed relationship, like I'd thought I'd had, once again.
Enjoy myself.

They're all quite clear, if not necessarily easy. In terms of myself, as I've said before I am happy with the person I am.

So this leaves the things I'm uncertain about, I'll put them here in case people have some good advice, and because putting things on my LJ definitely helps me deal with them.

1) I'm single again; unlike the first time around I'm no longer uncertain of myself, I no longer have the doubts and fears that made it fundamentally unenjoyable for me. So now I'm confident and happy with who I am I want to enjoy being single now I can. The problem is I don't know what I mean when I say enjoy myself. I'm not talking about spending time with friends, because that's something I enjoy independent of whether or not I'm in a relationship. Obviously long term I want a serious relationship; the whole concept of a one-night stand or even a purely casual relationship has no appeal to me. So what then does enjoying being single mean to me; I just don't know.

2) A completely separate issue. Something I discovered about myself during my time with P is that I'm actually a very tactile person. A change even my family noticed and I grew up hugging all of my immediate family as a matter of course. Probably because it was something I was never really comfortable with before I don't have a tactile relationship with my friends, beyond occasionally jabbing someone in the side. I don't think that before I was ever particularly comfortable the odd time I was hugged, but I remember feeling equally unhappy about it when I was left out. Now I don't have a partner to be just generally tactile with, I find myself wanting something like that sort of thing. I just don't know what exactly it is I'm missing, or what is I think I want or even how I get it.

I don't know how much sense the above two make, these are things that I am confused about. Even writing it down has been a struggle to work out what I think I want to say. Still just writing it out is a good thing in and of itself, and maybe that's enough.