![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
How we talk to each other
Jul. 20th, 2004 09:05 pmIn my unplanned stop at the HoL last night, I got into an interesting conversation with Joe, Andy and Ailsa, though I think it's fair to say certain people dominated the conversation. We were discussing how we treat other people, how we react to people who annoy us, and how we vary our languages and approaches depending on the person.
I do it all the time, though it's obviously easier the better I know people. I don't mean things like the fact I swear more with certain people than others, though the way people behave in groups with different acceptable standards is interesting in its own right. I mean how I approach people, how I hold conversations with them, and how much I screen what I say.
I generally choose the path of least resistance talking to people in the way that's least likely to annoy them, but at the same time make them most talkative. Take Joe for example, if you want to ensure easy conversation with him you just need to do two things (as I discussed with him last night); 1) Let him finish/don't interrupt him, 2) If he's clearly in a bad/argumentative mood which (again he admitted he is occasionally last night), don't take a confrontational stance. Now 1) is easy if you're patient, Joe likes using examples for clarity and likes to repeat himself to emphasize a point. This can mean he can talk for a while and the repetition can grate (I know because I do it myself), but if you wait he will be much more responsive to your view. 2) is slightly harder and takes a little more awareness, though it basically boils down to letting him rant at you, but by being nonconfrontational not letting him take his anger out on you. In all fairness though I don't live with him, which obviously puts others who do at a different dynamic.
I will happily tell you what it is I do, if I actually have to do anything at all, to ensure the easiest conversation. I think it's important to be honest in general, and to make certain people don't feel like your manipulating them, by making clear what you do. And often when you do say you do X because of their personality trait Y, they generally admit to doing Y.
So if you're curious ask and I'll tell you.
What I would like to know is what do other people do. I will go out of my way to find a way to relate to people that makes them easy to get on with, a lot of people won't put the effort in. Yet at the same time, if someone I fundamentally dislike, and it does happen occasionally, I will avoid them. I see no point in spending time with someone that I cannot stand. Thankfully there aren't many of them, or at least I haven't met many in the last few years.
So yes if you feel happy to let me know what you do, or don't do when it comes to how you relate to people, tell me. And if you feel like discussing it with me in more depth, then I'll happily do it next time I see you.
I do it all the time, though it's obviously easier the better I know people. I don't mean things like the fact I swear more with certain people than others, though the way people behave in groups with different acceptable standards is interesting in its own right. I mean how I approach people, how I hold conversations with them, and how much I screen what I say.
I generally choose the path of least resistance talking to people in the way that's least likely to annoy them, but at the same time make them most talkative. Take Joe for example, if you want to ensure easy conversation with him you just need to do two things (as I discussed with him last night); 1) Let him finish/don't interrupt him, 2) If he's clearly in a bad/argumentative mood which (again he admitted he is occasionally last night), don't take a confrontational stance. Now 1) is easy if you're patient, Joe likes using examples for clarity and likes to repeat himself to emphasize a point. This can mean he can talk for a while and the repetition can grate (I know because I do it myself), but if you wait he will be much more responsive to your view. 2) is slightly harder and takes a little more awareness, though it basically boils down to letting him rant at you, but by being nonconfrontational not letting him take his anger out on you. In all fairness though I don't live with him, which obviously puts others who do at a different dynamic.
I will happily tell you what it is I do, if I actually have to do anything at all, to ensure the easiest conversation. I think it's important to be honest in general, and to make certain people don't feel like your manipulating them, by making clear what you do. And often when you do say you do X because of their personality trait Y, they generally admit to doing Y.
So if you're curious ask and I'll tell you.
What I would like to know is what do other people do. I will go out of my way to find a way to relate to people that makes them easy to get on with, a lot of people won't put the effort in. Yet at the same time, if someone I fundamentally dislike, and it does happen occasionally, I will avoid them. I see no point in spending time with someone that I cannot stand. Thankfully there aren't many of them, or at least I haven't met many in the last few years.
So yes if you feel happy to let me know what you do, or don't do when it comes to how you relate to people, tell me. And if you feel like discussing it with me in more depth, then I'll happily do it next time I see you.
