Closure

[same_difference]

If anyone can think of a non-american version of the title word please let me know, I dislike it but can't think of a English synonym.

P and I went to a session today, and it has helped. I understand and accept why things are over, in many ways I did last night, today just helped confirm it. Put simply she is no longer in love with me, and thanks to the talk I now understand better the events of the last few days, and no longer feel confused. Obviously the loss of the relationship still makes me sad, but that will heal in time. Still I am glad I got to have the relationship, and for all the happy memories I will take away from it.

We also have a way of going forward. Both how we are going to remain friends, and how we are going to deal with the practicalities of splitting up. I'll be moving completely back home, and we will slowly take time to redefine our friendship. Simply we both need time to get used to not being in the relationship, to allow us to define ourselves as individuals, and to deal with what we both feel.

I have had to really confront how I feel about myself and about what I want from life in these last few days. I am proud of who I am and I like the person I am. I am a very strong person, in and as of myself, and that is good to know. I have grown up a lot in these last few years, and I am pleased with where I am now. I got to face the fears of growing up I once had within the supporting environment of the relationship, and now it has ended I can take my greater understanding of myself and my life as I move forward. I know I do want to meet someone to share my life with, and I know when I find it again that I will be the person I want to be within it. Fundamentally if I look back on what I was like, on how I behaved and how I am now, as much as I hate sounding egotistical, I know that whoever I end up with will be very lucky to be with me.

Comments

[almosthonest.livejournal.com]

Completion?

In a way, this post almost shouldn't have had comments enabled, as I think you've done a very good job of encapsulating and enclosing your response to the "final" outcome of this. However, I'm glad we can comment, so that your friends can voice their support.

I think a lack of confusion is the most positive thing you can lok for in this situation, so I'm really glad you've jointly found it. And moving out sounds like the sensible thing to do - I could imagine confusion finding its way back in otherwise. In fact, I don't think there's anything I could usefully add you haven't already said, so I'll just wish you peace and luck for the near future.

GG says...

[(Anonymous)]

But obviously not as lucky as Ailsa-chan :P

I'll confess the whole matter still doesn't seem terribly /real/ to me. The only thing more surreal is the mental image of Hobbit, Matt, Marcus and yourself in a convertible, wearing shades, and cruising for chicks.

Seriously though, stubborn and arrogant though I am/seem, you've handled this all much better than I ever could. Don't be a stranger, and if you want to do anything this weekend get in touch- Cat is kidnapping Ailsa and taking her to Bergerac Land this weekend ;_;